Saving Souls, Pt. 2: Resilience


A few days ago I wrote up a piece about how "waking up" can be incredibly painful yet liberating at the same time, and how accepting the truth can quite possibly save your life. As it turns out, Rollo Tomassi, who ultimately inspired that bit of commentary (via linkage from our friend, the Gentleman Adventurer), wasn't done pointing out the benefits of this change. Recently he published a post full of reader testimonials concerning how ingesting the red pill can also provide a man with a very real, and very powerful, emotional "safety net":

There is a nontrivial probability that you ARE going to fall. Unless you really swear to not EVER feel ANY emotional connection with a woman, then it is highly likely that at some point you WILL fall in love with a girl. Sure, I am positive that many guys will consider that this is something that they can control now that they are Red Pill aware, but you MAY at some point fall in love and you WILL lose your “cool” (btw if you don’t want to call it love call it infatuation; there will be a girl whose combination of laughter, looks, mannerisms and personality will produce this to you; if you want to deny it go ahead and you may be right. But as I said this is just MY humble opinion).

So where does the whole “safety net” come into play? Well, it comes into play when things go south. You WILL loose your cool and she might not notice but then again she also may notice. You will think that this girl is different. Again, it is easy to say that AWALT, but you are not dealing with a bunch of 1s and 0s. It is a human being, standing in front of you, with a personality, with a voice, with interests, opinions and the like. So your brain will tell you that THIS one is different.

And when it turns out that she is not, and she goes cold or dumps you, or cheats on you, then my friend you are going to be JUST FINE. Because you have a safety net. I am not saying that you won’t be sad (you will) but you won’t try to throw yourself under a bridge. The safety net is placed there for a simple reason. The reason is that, in the beginning stages of your infatuation, before you started thinking that she is “not like that”, a little voice inside of you said “You have read about this situation in the Rational Male brother. This may be an illusion. Be careful”.

Yes, you muted that voice for a while, but you never killed it. And when the inevitable happened this little voice came back and said ” Oh well. We knew it. Nothing wrong with giving it a shot. Now let’s move on. Hey check out Little Miss Perkytits at the counter.”

I know that many of you will laugh at this but, to me at least this is a big deal. I also think that the analogy of the safety net is pretty accurate. Even if all of Rollo’s writings hadn’t helped me AT ALL with getting laid, improving myself etc and THE ONLY benefit was gaining that safety net, I think that reading Rollo’s articles would have still bee [sic] very much worth it.

Rarely has a more fundamental set of truths been put into words so eloquently.

Reading through Rollo's book, The Rational Male, is an eye-opening experience even for those of us who have confidently been taking regular, and often very bitter, doses of the red pill for years. It is full of powerfully written advice, wisdom, and lessons that every man needs to take to heart.

And if you really read it properly, if you absorb it, if you understand it, then you will create armour around yourself that will serve you very well indeed during the inevitable pain that will come when a relationship takes a turn for the worse.

When you "unplug", you quickly realise that there is no such thing as "The One". The ideal "soulmate" simply does not exist. She is not real, and not all of the Disney-spun fairy tales in the world will bring her to life. The idea that you will find one woman, and only one woman, who will breathlessly swoon over you and fall in twoo wove with you and be yours and yours alone forever, will become utterly laughable.

At best, you will find a woman who is simply better than most. If you are very, very lucky, you might just find one who makes other women fade into the background every time you see her, as if she is a signal surrounded by mildly irritating noise.

But you will never again waste your time and energy searching for a non-existent unicorn.

There will be moments where you disagree with Rollo- as I do when he claims that a great relationship should feel effortless. The reality of relationships is that they are very hard work. It's just that, when you find a woman that you really care about in spite of all of her faults and hangups, it doesn't feel like work- because your care and affection for her are returned to you, and because her soft comforts and warm joy make your efforts worthwhile.

You will realise that the most that you can hope for with a woman is a fundamental compatibility of values, ideals, interests, and sexual chemistry. This may well be enough for a happy and healthy relationship that lasts you the rest of your natural life- but you will no longer be blind to the fact that both men and women enjoy sex and will seek sexual variety, albeit for very different reasons.

You will learn to accept that the mating strategies that men and women follow are fundamentally in conflict. It all comes down to the incontrovertible fact that sperm is cheap, and eggs are expensive.

Because men are expendable, we seek to spread our seed, our genetic inheritance, through as many women as possible.

Because women are perishable, they seek to secure the protection and resources of the highest-status man that they can possibly find.

The moment that you accept these things, the behaviour of so many Western women will no longer be surprising to you.

You will understand that, in a society that has removed all of the traditional safeguards against unchecked hypergamy- through freely available birth control, through the abominations of alimony and no-fault divorce, and through the evils of the family court system that treats men like wallets with legs- women will act as though they really can have it all.

They will happily screw the tall good-looking tattooed ex-con Alpha while their Beta/Delta/Gamma husbands sit at home, frustrated yet oblivious.

And when those same women confuse their lust for their Alpha male bed-mates for twoo wove, and try to get them to settle down and commit to them by divorcing their previous husbands and taking them to the cleaners, they very quickly come to realise that, with extremely few exceptions, an Alpha male used to practically drowning in pussy is never going to settle for monogamy.

None of this will surprise you or disturb you anymore- because you are resilient.

And you will begin to carry this over into your own dealings with women.

I have been in the exact same situation described by commenter Logic in Rollo's post.

I have come across a girl or two who truly is special. Such a girl makes me feel happy, simply through the act of calling me up to see how I'm doing so that I can see her face. Spending time with her feels completely normal, because she is able to be a feminine woman and I am able to be a masculine man- within a wider society that spits on men and treats old-fashioned femininity like some form of disease.

That is the kind of woman that makes a man think of taking on the responsibilities of being a patriarch, of creating a family unit of his own, and of readying himself for the joys of fatherhood.

And yet- no matter how good such a woman makes me feel, no matter how much I might long for her or miss her, there is always a voice in the back of my head, telling me: "She is still a woman. She is not without flaws. Perfection does not exist, so stop looking for it. She is still hypergamous, she still has a history that you don't fully know. She could destroy you if you let her. Trust, but verify."

It is that same voice which tells me: "Focus on yourself and your goals. Create a vision for your life and follow it, relentlessly and ruthlessly. Become financially secure to the point where no one can force you to bow down before him. Take care of your health and your well-being. NEVER make your woman your only priority, and NEVER stop improving yourself."

That is the voice which says, "Don't be surprised if she goes cold or silent on you, or if she cheats on you- and that's if you're silly enough to agree to monogamy too early in the relationship. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst."

In other words, it is the same voice that you hear in your head when you read the words of this blog.

It is that same voice which mentally prepares you for the worst, so that when the worst actually does happen, you don't end up destroyed, a hollowed-out shell of a man with nothing to live for and nowhere left to go.

It is that same voice which tells you to sign the damn pre-nup before you get married, and which tells you to get that damn DNA test before you sign the dotted line of your child's birth certificate. It is the voice that tells you to reserve your affections only for the women who have actually EARNED them.

It is the voice that tells you, even when you're involved with a woman about whom you care deeply and who you might even consider "turning into an honest woman" by marrying her, to keep your options open, to flirt with other women, to keep your body strong through hard workouts.

It is the voice that tells you to pick yourself up when you fail, to keep looking at other women when the ones that you are interested go cold and stop responding, and which reminds you that success always and everywhere comes from sheer bloody-minded hard work.

And it is that same voice that makes both body and mind resistant to pain, and able to recover from that pain much faster than you would be able to otherwise.

This is not hyperbole, by the way. About three years back I wrote about how a friend emailed me told me about how he'd suffered similar back injuries at two different points in his life- but recovered very slowly and painfully from the first, and very quickly and easily from the second.

Why? Simple. He'd cultivated a strong, resilient mindset, because he stopped trying to make reality fit his point of view and instead started changing his opinions so that they more accurately reflected reality.

The resilience of the awakened man is formidable indeed. His is the power of inner conviction tempered by the fires of pain, suffering, and loss- but constantly forged anew in the crucible of his own mind. To him belong the joys of a life well lived, in pursuit of what makes him happy, in service to his vision and no one else's.

The men who are able to incorporate a wife and children into that vision are the ones who will create strong, righteous sons and gentle, virtuous daughters- because they accept the world for what it is, not for what they want it to be.

The secret of this strength is simple. Accept the truth. Be willing to fall and fail. Understand that it is men, not women, who are the romantics of the world- and that it is also men, not just women, who are at fault for many of the evils that have befallen the Western sexual and marriage marketplaces.

The fact is that you will fail. You will get hurt. That is simply the risk that you take when you open yourself up to a woman and let her in. As a wise man once said:

[L]ife with a bad woman, either present in your home or siphoning your bank account, is surely Hell. But life without a good woman sucks, too.

The great benefit of accepting the truth is that it will prepare you for the day that you do, in fact, find a good woman- and it will also prepare you for the possibility that she is not quite the woman you thought she was. You will be able to let her go and move on far more easily, because somewhere deep down, you will know that eventually, everything will be all right, and the world will once again make sense.

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